Motherhood – A Never-Ending Story of Comparison
And here I thought I had left high school behind me…
But do not get me wrong. I loved school. Elementary school, secondary school, my year abroad in the US, and last but not least my years spend at university. What I did not like was the constant comparison, which was going on. Who has the latest fashion? Who is the most popular girl? Who has the prettiest hair? Or just the overall say in our grade? Considering that I went to an all-girls private prep school for nine out of my 13 years of actual school did not make the situation any better (though I still would choose the same school again and I still say I really enjoyed those years). I just did not like the competition. Even less after my return from the US, my stay having significantly increased my self-esteem as well as my will-power to speak up to others and to not necessarily agree with everything others said.
University and the (although few) years after were pure bliss. I developed my own personality, will, opinion and “style” (let us be honest: I just buy and wear what I like and would not consider myself particularly stylish by any means) and became me. Just me. With all my flaws as well as positive traits. And I started not to care about others. Sure, I do have things I consider optimal for myself, but just because others handle things differently they are not worse (or better) as what I am doing. Just different. Nothing wrong about that.
Now with motherhood approaching with big steps (70 days (– 10 to 7 due to the caesarian) to go before birth at the point I am writing this) the comparisons have started again with full force. And the baby is not even here yet. I do not even want to know how bad it will get at a later point (I am thinking the first couple of years but also school later on). Which baby can do what at what point of time? How early can he/she walk/speak/tie their shoe laces/speak seven billion languages fluently? And I have to say: I am just not up for that. Children will without a doubt pick up on their parents’ behaviour and I do not want to raise her comparing herself to others and also not have her comparing others to others. I want her to be herself and not to be afraid of that. She should have her own opinion and should stand up to others if she deems it important. But she should also learn that it is okay to agree with others if that is what she thinks is correct.
For now I am trying to stay away from everything and everyone who already wants to spring the whole comparison on me. Everyone’s body, pregnancy, baby belly and in the end child is different. It do not care about how big anyone else’s belly is, so please do not care about mine either. Let us just enjoy this amazing time right now while it lasts.